Don't Go With Orochimaru, Sasuke!
by saphira07
Summary: Alright, this here is an ACTUAL paper that I wrote and TURNED IN for my English short story. I'm putting the grade I got when the teacher hands us back the papers. *fingers crossed * Welp, basically my OC is trying to convince Sasuke not to go with Orochimaru... so yeah, you get the picture. WARNING: extreme crackyness! (GOG, I can't believe I actually turned this in...)
1. Chapter 1

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Orochimaru is a pedophile

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Page 1 of 4

Why Sasuke Shouldn't Go With Orochimaru

Suddenly he was slipping, his foot losing its grip on the earth.

Now I bet you're wondering what in the name of all that is bacon is going on here. Well, let's

back up, shall we? *Magically rewinds everything back to about an hour ago.*

"Where are we?" Asks a confused Sakura Haruno.

"Hn, good question." Says an ever-annoyed Sasuke Uchiha.

"Who cares, bastard!You're coming back to the village right now, or else!" Said one dense and

loud Naruto Uzumaki.

"Or else what, you'll annoy me to death? And I can't go back even if I wanted to if we don't

even know HOW to get back, idiot." Replied the indifferent, and now scoffing, Uchiha at the

blonde's outburst.

"Well, it seems we're definitely not in Konaha anymore, that's for sure." Stated none other than

Kakashi Hatake in his usual calm demeanor.

"What's going on here?" Demanded Orochimaru in his snake like voice, causing everyone to

look at him and tense a bit. But before even Naruto could utter a word, somebody else loudly

and obnoxiously cleared their throat from the other side of the grassy plain. Everyone turned to

face a young, dirty blonde, pale faced girl with a blue eye (right) and a green eye (left).

Said girl then spoke up in a loud voice with her fingertips pressed together, "I suppose you're

wondering why I have gathered all of you here today."

"Well, duh! What else would we be thinking about?! Now tell us who you are and why you

brought us here!" Demanded an angry, hyperactive Naruto Uzumaki.

Then the girl did something nobody expected... she started to break out into a fit of laughter

and giggles as everyone else anime sweat dropped with 'WTF?' expressions. "Okay, okay,

sorry," she started wiping tears from her eyes as she got into a sitting position, since it seems at

some point she fell to the ground rolling in her little fit. "I've just always wanted to do that." *Que

the sweat drop.* "But there is a reason I've brought you all here, and that reason is none other

than.." pauses for effect before dramatically pointing, "You, Orochimaru!"

Everyone then turns gasping to look at said purple lovin', white skinned, snake dude. "And just

what do you want with me? Who are you even?" Said man questioned.

Page 2 of 4

"I'm glad you asked. I am Miramell Kizushin, and I'm going to prove to Sasuke that that he

would be making a big mistake were he he to side with you, you pedophile!" At those last

words everyone (excluding Miramell of course) fell over in pure shock and utter disbelief,

dumbfounded by the strange girl. "What?" She questioned. Naruto, of course, was the first to

recover enough to speak up.

"'What?!'" our loud little blonde repeated incredulously, "What do you mean, 'What?' Why are

you saying that bastard, Orochimaru, is a pedophile?!"

"Yes, I too would like a further explanation as to your little accusation." Commented Kakashi,

while the other two just nodded silently in agreement. The pedophile in question was still trying

to recover at the moment.

"Huh? Isn't it obvious that he's a pedophile? I mean, just look at him! He looks creepy with

that stupid white skin of his; is that even natural or possible?! And that chilling snake voice! It

sounds like he's genna try and rape someone any second now! Plus, he wants Sasuke's body

to wear like a new suit to maintain immortality; and he still wants him, even though he can't

change bodies for a few years now! What part of that DOESN'T scream 'PEDOPHILE!'?!

I mean, he's as old as Jiraiya, and he's always getting really up close in Kabuto's personal

space. Doesn't that seem the least bit suspicious to you?"

"You know... as strange as this girl is, she's got a really good point, Sasuke." States the forever

pink haired kunoichi, Sakura. Naruto and Kakashi both "Mhm." while nodding in agreement with

her.

Oh look, the pedophile wants to speak. "You rambling wench! I'm not a pedophile, I have

no interest in Kabuto, and I'm only concerned with gaining more POWER!" (meanwhile,

somewhere back at Orochimaru's layer, Kabuto is curled up in a depressed ball crying his eyes

out from getting his heart broken)

"Exactly," Oh great, Mr. Duck-Butt-Hair thinks he knows what he's talking about. Guess it's

because he's an Uchiha... "And with Orochimaru, I'll become powerful enough to finally kill

Itachi, and avenge my clan." *Que the psychotic , hate-filled look an Mr. Stick-Up-My-Ass

Sasuke*

"Yeah, yeah," starts Miramell in a bored, and slightly annoyed, voice. "We know, we know. 'Get

stronger and kill Itachi.' Is that all you ever think about? Are you seriously so set on revenge

that you can't even realize he's genna wear your body and dispose of your soul the second

he gets the chance and might even rape you while he's waiting? 'Cause that's pretty stupid."

*U_U=== her and the other three's expressions*

The other three nod in agreement. "She's absolutely right." Orochimaru and Sasuke fall over

anime style in disbelief and shock at this.

Page 3 of 4

"Come along, Sasuke. We're leaving." Said the pedophile; but just as Mr. Duck-Butt starts to

follow...

Everyone else suddenly gasps very loudly and points, staring at Orochimaru in absolute

horror. "HE... he said..." Sakura then faints and Kakashi catches her. Mr. Stick-Up-My-Ass and

the pedophile catch on to what she was going to say and then proceed to sweat drop and face

palm. *x2 combo: BONUS POINTS!*

"Their auras are looking depressed." Pointed out our sweet (and completely normal) Miramell.

Orochimaru, our weird and creepy pedophile, then grabbed Sasuke, threw him over his

shoulder, and proceeded to walk away with him.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, you stupid pedophile?!" Everyone (excluding

said pedophile) said.

*Growling.* "I'm not a pedophile!"

"If that's true, then why are you holding me? Now get your stupid rapist hands off of me!"

Looks like Sasuke finally got some common sense! Whooo! Que the clapping and bring out

the award!

"Yaayy! Mr. Stick-Up-My-Ass found his brains!" cheered the two blondes, whilst jumping up

and high-fiving.

"Whatever, you idiots. Just hurry up and help me get away from this pedophile before he rapes

me!" Yelled a pissed and slightly fearful Uchiha.

"Alright, we're coming. Just calm down, Sasuke." Said the silver haired shinobi (Kakashi),

putting down his (most likely perverted) 'Icha Icha' book. He then proceeded to beat the ever

lovin' stuffing out of Mr. Pedo and put Sasuke on the ground. Who then quickly got out of the

way to come eat popcorn with Miramell, Naruto, and Sakura (ha, bet you forgot she was there)

while they watched their sensei beat up the purple obsessed freak. He then gave him one final

kick that sent Orochimaru flying and tumbling over the edge of a cliff. And so shocked was he

that he couldn't manage to perform any of his justsus or even focus a small portion of his chakra

to save his life: and just when he caught a foot hold of sorts, he was suddenly slipping, his foot

losing its grip on the earth. He thought he was done for, and then he landed on a super comfy

mattress from out of nowhere. He started to say, "Haha, insolent fools! You can't get rid of me

that ea-" then a dragon suddenly scooped him up in his mouth and swallowed him whole and he

probably died.

"Whoops! My fingers slipped... :3" said our totally normal and not at all strange Miramell who

was holding a big key next to a giant lock to a huge door which was now open with an innocent

smile on her face. Then everyone went back to Konaha and celebrated the, most likely, death of

the evil pedophile, Orochimaru.

1 of 4

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	2. info

OOOOOOKAAAAYYY... turns out what that person was talking about is this stuff that showed up when I posted it and for some reason I can't seem to take it off. But they shouldn't worry, that's not my info, it's fake info for an extra email. Don't worry though, I'm going to figure out how to post without it doing that crap! goodbye :P


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